dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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