I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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