That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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