I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize