$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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