Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
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I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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