i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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