There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize