mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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