This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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