i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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