you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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