i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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