you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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