i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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