I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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