I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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