i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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