I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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