How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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