It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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