11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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