he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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