you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize