I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize