why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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