I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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