Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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