dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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