if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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