Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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