I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I won the penis lottery.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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