Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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