Someone shit on the floor
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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