It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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