I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if only i could text you this smell
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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