Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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