how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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