this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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