i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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