Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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