His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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