come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mom said you looked used
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize