chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize