Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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