I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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