Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize