Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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