he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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