omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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